In our last blog we shared some tips on how to get back into the dating scene after an uncontested divorce. In this two part series we also want you to be aware of some of the what not to do before heading out the door with your next date into the Philadelphia or Pittsburgh night life.
Assess your baggage
It's easy to point out the 101 ways how your ex spouse was hurtful, but remember your own baggage. Take time to review your marriage and carefully examine were you could have done better. This is not about making yourself feel guilty; it's about you building a healthier relationship in the future. You owe it to yourself to have a healthy and happy relationship with the next person that comes along instead of bombarding him/her with your past baggage. Keep in mind people are attracted to individuals who know how to take care of themselves.
Don't put a new date ahead of your friends. Remember it was probably your friends who helped you get through your uncontested Pennsylvania divorce, you really don't want to pay them back by ditching them. Your friends are also the ones with whom you have a special bond, and who know you like no one else does.
Step Away From the Computer
Most divorced individuals have fantasized about bashing their ex spouse online. It's easy to start gossip with social media circles. Think about the long term implications. How will your kids react should they see you are attacking their parent? What if a potential date learns about your vindictive behavior? Revenge is short term. You should think long term.
Reflect on how hard your no-fault, uncontested divorce was for you; now imagine how hard it was on your kids. Give your children some breathing room before introducing them to your dates. They are going through a lot of transition and instability; they really don't need another confusing factor added early on.
Leave the Ex Behind
Don't bring your ex spouse on your dates. When you are dating a person she or he wants to get to know you, not your ex or the details of your divorce. If you can't contain yourself about your latest breakthrough with your divorce therapist or the fine points of your marital settlement agreement, then you are most likely not ready to date yet.
Beware of Rebound Relationships
It's easy to get trapped into a rebound relationship- your first relationship after an uncontested divorce. Maybe you have been feeling lonely or neglected for a long time. Then someone comes along and doesn't care about those extra pounds or wrinkles you now have. All of the sudden the flaws your ex was obsessed about don't matter anymore. A good question to ask yourself is – Does this person really have the qualities I want for a long-term relationship?
Don't forget to be yourself and have a good time and take your time. You have been through a lot and it's time for you to have fun in getting to know another person. Take your time and enjoy the process.