When you think about the main causes of divorce, two things probably come to mind: 1) cheating, and 2) financial problems. While these definitely lead to thousands of divorces every year, they are not the only reasons why people file for divorce. A third common reason is poor communication, but there are other causes, some of which might shock you.
A lot of people run to the alter because of an intense physical attraction, but looks always fade and sooner or later, such couples realize that they were blinded by their spouse’s movie star good looks and missed all the red flags. When it comes to having a marriage that lasts a lifetime, the marriage has to have real substance.
Check out these 7 shocking reasons why marriages fail.
1. Married your spouse for the wrong reasons. Too many people marry for the wrong reasons, such as money, attraction, or to make their parents happy. In fact, marrying for the wrong reasons is a recipe for a quick divorce. You can marry for stability or to please your parents but these things can’t buy love. If you marry for the wrong reasons, you’ll soon find yourself in a lonely marriage.
2. Lost identity. When you have nothing in common and you reveal your true self in front of your spouse, you can: 1) live miserably because your spouse wants nothing to do with your interests or resents them, or 2) you can get a divorce. In a marriage, you’re not supposed to change who you are for your spouse. A lot of people file for divorce because they lose their identity, because they are not actually compatible with their spouse.
3. Lack of physical intimacy. A significant number of marriages end because couples have little to no sex. While children, work, and life’s stressors can kill someone’s sex drive, it’s important to keep the “love alive.” One of the best ways to do this is ensure you’re eating healthy and exercising regularly. When you look and feel good, your self-confidence is high and you feel more attractive and lively in the bedroom.
4. One spouse is trying to change the other. It’s not uncommon for one spouse to try to change the other through criticism, threats, and complaints – this is a recipe for disaster as it causes resentment and distrust. While couples naturally grow and evolve together, they need to accept each other and only encourage mutual, positive changes that are not forced.
5. Different interests. The happiest couples share common interests. For example, they enjoy hiking together, they enjoy going to art galleries, they enjoy camping, or they enjoy trying new restaurants. While you don’t have to have identical hobbies, it’s important to have a lot of common interests. If a couple has zero in common, they’ll probably end up divorced because they can’t enjoy each other’s interests.
6. Poor communication. Communication is critical to a good marriage. When a couple fails to share their dreams, worries, concerns, and issues with each other, the marriage begins to unravel. The key to preventing a fight is for the spouses to listen to each other and treat one another with dignity and respect. Often, couples fall into this cycle of poor communication because one or both of them are afraid of the backlash they’ll hear from an intolerant or impatient spouse who doesn’t make it “safe” to communicate.
7. Lack of respect. For marriages to work, both spouses must treat each other with dignity and respect. They must treat each other with delicacy; they can’t get angry at the smallest details. The healthiest marriages are about understanding, patience and compromise. Without respect, love dies, and eventually the marriage ends in divorce.