When it comes to divorce, a lot of spouses fall into one of two categories: 1) those who are devastated by the breakup and feel like the entire world has come to an end, and 2) those who are jumping for joy and are relieved that it’s finally over. Regardless if you fit in one of these two categories, or somewhere in between, surely, you’d be open to anything that would make the process easier on you emotionally.
During a divorce, men and women often go through similar emotions: your marriage was a failure, you let your kids down, you’ll be single forever, your kids will never forgive you, everybody will think less of you, your family won’t approve, you’re too old to jump back in the dating game, etc. Considering the fact that about 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, per the American Psychological Association, apparently, spouses are being too hard on themselves.
Like raising children, there’s no guarantee that a marriage will be successful. You can seemingly do everything right, but you cannot control how your spouse feels about you, your romantic life, your family, or even themselves. So, if you are getting a divorce, here are four tips to help the process be less painful.
1. Take your needed alone time. If you don’t exactly feel “up” to going out with the guys or the gals, it’s okay. Even if it’s for the best, it can still be difficult to deal with the emotions of a divorce. You have every right to hibernate for a while, take a three-day weekend alone or with the kids, or spend the next month alone while you “deal” with the divorce. However, if you find yourself feeling depressed for more than a month, it may be time to seek counseling, family support, a short getaway, or even a long walk in nature so you can clear your head and get some much-needed sunshine and vitamin D.
2. Focus on your future. Remember, you are the one that decides on your future; anything good is possible. If you want a new job, by all means go get it. If you want to lose weight and reinvent yourself, join a gym and sign up for personal training! Napoleon Hill put it perfectly when he said, “Whatever the mind of a man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”
3. Maintain a positive attitude. If your divorce has you feeling like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, decide to have a positive attitude, even if you’re not feeling it. A gloom and doom attitude has a shelf life; it’s surprising how many people are willing to be helpful and supportive when they see you trying to make the best out of your situation. Instead of being a victim or blaming your unhappiness on your soon-to-be-ex, put a smile on your face (regardless of how you feel), and put your best foot forward.
4. See the glass as half-full. During your divorce, shift your mindset so you see the glass as being half-full. This is the time to look around and start counting your blessings. What are you thankful for? Your health? Your beautiful children? Your job? Your friends and family? Even if you don’t have all of these things, you can go out and get them. Life is meant to be lived and all you have to do is create it. For example, if you’ve been dying to do something but your spouse held you back, why not go for it? View divorce as a speedbump – a life lesson – but realize that in a year or two, it’s just going to be something you did.