You have noticed your spouse's behavior has changed and it has raised some red flags of infidelity. Behavioral changes can range from being suddenly over attentive to often being absent. We have two vital steps to initially take when dealing with a cheating spouse.
Initially Keep Quiet
Sure, your first instinct is to confront him or her and possibly making him or her feel as bad as you felt the moment you realized the situation. However, if you start off by being confrontational, your spouse is more likely to lie to you about the situation. This will make your efforts to find the truth more difficult. Now is the time to play it smart.
Human nature makes you want to tell someone. Try your best to keep your suspicions to yourself, unless you are talking with your therapist, who is ethically bound to keep your situation confidential. You don't know who already knows what and what their role is in keeping the affair a secret. If you tell your best friend you may be running the risk of telling the very person your spouse is sleeping with. Also, initially telling friends and family complicates the situation.
Everyone will have an opinion of what you should do. Remember that you need to figure out what's in your best interest. Give yourself some alone time. The last thing you want is to have your fifteen minutes of fame splattered across the local newspaper because your spouse reacts in a volatile manner. Worse yet, you may act in a bad manner. Remember to control the situation as much as you can.
This is also an opportunity for you to collect evidence that you may need in court for purposes such as alimony. This will come in handy when negotiating your marital settlement agreement. If you confront your spouse before doing your homework, rest assured that s/he will start cleaning up their trail.
Once you have decided to confront you spouse about cheating, do it with dignity. Remember a test of character is how you act during challenging times. Don't give your spouse the option of who she or he wants to be with and then wait indefinitely for an answer. The ball is in your court; don't give your power away.
Before speaking with your spouse, have specific goals and stick to your plan. Take time to practice what you are going to say. The last thing you want to do is have a conversation or argument when you are still freshly wounded. You owe it to yourself to have a well prepared plan. A well prepared plan will also throw your spouse off guard.
Refrain from wasting your time on your spouse's lover. It's natural to be curious about who he or she is, but your spouse is really the problem, not the other person. Some people have gone into total obsession in order to learn every detail about their spouse's lover. In the end, this serves no real purpose. Your time is more valuable and should be used toward making your life better. Don't squander your time away by focusing on your spouse's lover. This is the time to make yourself the focus of your attention and figure out how you are going to handle your future and possible uncontested divorce.