There are many reasons why an amicable or "friendly" divorce is what you should want to strive for. With an uncontested divorce, a couple can save themselves not only a considerable amount of money but also lessen the emotional strain on themselves as well as their children. Often, with a long-drawn out contested divorce, both parties come away feeling gutted from a bitter battle.
Minimize the hostility; make your divorce a model for a respectful relationship (even if your marriage wasn't one) for your children. Lessen the damage that divorces can do to your children and yourselves and keep the lines of communication open with your spouse. Many couples have been through the painstaking divorce of their own parents and have vowed never to impose the same kind of hurt on their own children. The new model of divorce has parents working together – attending soccer games, planning birthdays, some even electronically share calendars so they can take advantage of unscheduled time with the kids.
Here are some tips on how to have an amicable uncontested divorce.
1. Take care of yourself. Get enough rest and quality sleep. Good decisions are hard to make when you are tired and cranky. Find a way to relieve stress. This could be anything from exercising to gardening.
2. Try to see things from your spouse's point-of-view. Sure, you have 101 things you could complain about, but that's not going to get you far. Remember you goal is to get your needs met. This will also make it easier to work out your marital settlement agreement.
3. Figure out how to handle disagreements. You are not going to agree on everything, so what will you do when you disagree?
4. Don't get stuck in old patterns or habits. As much as you are no longer there for your spouse's insecurities, despairs and self-hatred, s/he is also no longer has to deal with yours either. Make your goals clear and concise and stick to them. Leave the emotional baggage for a therapist or a counselor.
5. Include a parenting plan in your settlement agreement. Figure out how to best meet your children's needs. Make the plan something you would be proud to share with your children if they should read it as an adult.
6. Don't try to create a friendship with your spouse too soon after your divorce. Remember to treat this as a business deal; you need a healthy distance from your ex in order to make good choices.
If you are familiar with the movie When Harry met Sally, you may remember one dramatic scene in which Harry tells his soon to be wed friends "This eight dollar dish will cost you $1,000 dollars in calls to the legal firm", referring to a fight about who will get the dish. This doesn't have to be the case. With an uncontested divorce, Attorney Jim Cairns will save you a considerable amount of money. Once you're ready to file for an uncontested divorce and/or martial settlement agreement, contact Attorney James Cairns for a free consultation at 888.836.9115.
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