"I never thought it would happen to me" is not an uncommon phrase heard by people who are getting ready to file for an uncontested divorce Though the marriage may seem to be in a horrible state, some spouses believe that they will get through it no matter what. When the reality of an uncontested divorce comes to light it can leave a person in a state of shock.
There are a variety of reasons people may think that they will never become divorced. Reasons include: having a stable home while growing up, their religious faith, or believing that their initial love in the marriage could conquer anything. The pain of the realization of a divorce can leave anyone in a state of despair as she or he tries to make sense of what is happening and what is going to happen next.
The first few days after the decision to be divorced has been made are the toughest. Individuals report feeling like they are in a dreamlike or disbelieving state, and often have difficulty focusing on reality. The first few weeks and months are crucial to taking care of oneself. During this time a person can find it hard to focus and easily be distracted. One woman accidentally drove her car through her living room. Another person tripped and stumbled down a hill severely hurting a knee.
Behavior can also vacillate between doing nothing to trying to figure all of the reasons that made the divorce happen. A person can easily find himself/herself camping out on their couch for days while the dishes and laundry pile up. There can also be moments when the same person is looking up anything he or she can think of related to divorce and running up a tab for newly purchased books. By the way, if you are looking for divorce books and trying to save money we suggest looking into used books, eBooks or borrowing from your local library.
Some other behavioral patterns of a divorcing person include:
- Change in eating habits
- Change in sleeping habits
- Short term memory difficulty
- Feeling helpless and/or hopeless
This past March Lisa Whelchel, former star on the Facts of Life, finalized her divorce. She also thought that her marriage of twenty-four years would never end. Nine days after her divorce decree was issued she became a competitor on the show Survivor: Philippines.
Remember that it is normal to have stressful and unusual feelings during a divorce. Each individual will go through his/her journey. The above experiences are normal as you process and move through your emotions. If you find yourself having difficulty moving through the healing process of an uncontested divorce please seek professional help. A professional therapist can be a great help in sorting out your emotions and helping you to get on with your new life after divorce.