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What No One Told Me About Uncontested Divorce

Posted By Attorney Jim Cairns || 22-Jul-2013

Most people don't plan for an uncontested divorce. Generally you won't find books about uncontested divorce on couples' wedding registries. So when the time comes to dissolve a marriage most individuals suddenly find themselves in an unexpected situation. I have put together some tips on what some divorcing individuals wish they would have known as they went through an uncontested divorce.

You have more courage then you think. A divorce can really test you as a person. There will be some days when you feel that you just can't take anymore. You will get through the day and you will move on from your uncontested divorce. A professional counselor, especially one who has experience, can help you as you navigate the really challenging days.

Healing takes time. Just because you and your ex-spouse have signed you uncontested divorce paperwork, it doesn't mean the emotional part is over. Each person has his/her own clock for healing from a divorce. An uncontested divorce support group can be helpful with healing and moving on with your life. Many individuals take longer to heal than they first anticipate.

Make your post-divorce financial future a priority. Know what you are dealing with right away. Putting this off can be very damaging to your financial future. If you feel uncomfortable dealing with finances, it would be wise to invest in a divorce financial advisor. Though the initial investment may hurt a little, the long-term implications of the investment are usually worth it.

Plan for financial emergencies during and after divorce. Try to put some money aside for the unexpected. Some financial surprises include: paying for a new and more expensive health insurance plan (especially if you were on your spouse's health plan), not receiving alimony or child support on time, and paying more for a new place to call "home".

Talking with your children about your uncontested divorce will be one of the most difficult things you will have to do. It's important to read up on how to talk to your children. You don't want them to blame themselves for your uncontested divorce. Also, don't put your children in the middle between you and your spouse. This can emotionally damage your child(ren) and have life-long implications that last into adulthood.

Everyone has an opinion. After your marriage goes south, you will most likely start getting unsolicited and often unwanted comments about your marriage and uncontested divorce. Comments can range from your parents thoughts about your kids (or lack of a child) to friends who will suddenly confess they never liked your spouse. Lay down your boundaries and make it clear what topics are off limits. Managing your own emotions during an uncontested divorce is hard enough, don't feel you have to tolerate unsolicited comments too.

An uncontested divorce is an opportunity to know who your friends really are.Some friends will take sides while others will vanish with the wind. Don't take it personally, focus on yourself and move on to a healthier and happier you.

You are not a loser. There will be days when you will emotionally beat yourself up. Reflecting back on what could have been or what could have been different can occupy a lot of time if you let it. Don't drown yourself with the dissolution of your marriage. It's easy to get caught up and feel your life should be in a different place. Approximately fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, uncontested divorce is more common than you think. Use your uncontested divorce as a new start in life. Many individuals have gone on to pursue dreams, learn new skills and discover talents they had no idea they had prior to their divorce.