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How to Overcome Divorce Insecurities and Stress

Posted By Attorney Jim Cairns || 23-Aug-2012

Feelings of insecurities will pop-up through your divorce and life after divorce, whether or not it's an uncontested divorce or not. It's not uncommon to question everything from why your marriage fell apart and if was it your fault to wondering how you are going to financially secure your future. Insecurities and fear surface for different reasons, depending on the individual.

If the stress and insecurities are not dealt with in an appropriate manner, they can create even bigger problems, such as anxiety. These feelings often start to come to light when a person feels betrayed, abandoned or right out rejected by their spouse. A divorcing individual can feel that s/he has hit rock bottom, has no where to go or doesn't know in what direction to go- a feeling of hopelessness. Stay at home parents can start to feel unsure about getting a job in a hard hit job market. If anxieties persist they can even lead a person into a state of depression.

The first step to combating your insecurities and fears is knowing that it's normal to feel insecure. You had a marriage where you planned a life together, to build a home, grow old as a couple and take pride in your grandkids as you both enjoyed the golden years. That has all changed now and your foundation has been shaken to its core.

After you have admitted your that you feel anxious and stressed, give yourself space to go ahead and feel your emotions. Don't keep the feelings of going through a divorce bottled up or pretend you aren't experiencing them. In order to start the healing process you should let those feeling come to the surface. There are many ways to safely deal with your anxious feelings brought on by your divorce. For instance, you can write in a journal, walk/exercise, or talk about your feeling to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. Sometimes it is helpful to just take some time off and pamper yourself.

Here are some questions to ask yourself that may help you to start the emotional healing process. They also get you thinking about what to write in your journal entries:

1. What triggers my insecurities? Certain thoughts, places, activities may trigger them more than others.

2. What are some consequences I face due to the insecurities and stress that I feel? You may eat more, drink alcohol, sleep less, and so on.

3. What can I do to build my self-confidence in order to feel less insecure? Exercise, eat healthy, get more sleep, spend time with loved ones, etc.

4. What are some key steps to add to my action plan for future security? Find a healthy routine and sticking with it add to a more predicable environment and may give you a better sense of control.

You don't have to know the answers right away, which is why writing a journal is a useful process.

Inspect areas of weakness in your life. What would make you feel better about yourself? Some ideas could be losing a few pounds, getting some new marketable employment skills, contributing to a savings or retirement account, or starting a new career you have always dreamed of.

If you are feeling overwhelmed about your divorce, then you should consider finding outside help. This could be a counselor or a therapist. You don't have to battle your feelings alone, don't be afraid to reach out to others.

At Cairns Law Offices, we try to take the stress and anxiety out of getting a simple, uncontested, no-fault divorce in Pennsylvania so you can concentrate on getting started in your new life. Once you're ready to reach out and file for an uncontested divorce, contact Attorney James Cairns for a free consultation at 888.8636.9115.

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